Friday, May 13, 2005

The Purge of the Hooker Stories, Pt. 2--Hook Interrupted

Colfax and Elm Rite Aid, if I ever need a hooker, I know where to find you!

I'm waiting for the 15 on a sunny winter day, shades blocking my eyes from the damaging rays of the sun, headphones blocking my ears from the damaging noises of Colfax, but nothing to save me from the stink-eye of Hook Interrupted and her Pimp.

Hook b-lines across Colfax when I notice her: tight jeans that must be painted on, cleavage-creating shirt, and a face that also seems painted on. A five-foot-two hispanic woman who has lived a hard 40 years, with lips blown up like two very glossy pink bike-tire tubes.

But she isn't b-lining towards me, so why don't I mind my own stoopid bizness, huh? Moving on then (holy shit, three more minutes till my bus is scheduled to arrive!!!), I pace and do everything I can to avert my eyes from the black Lexus in the parking lot about 25 feet away from me. Nothing to see there, I'm just whistling to my headphones, humdedum-dedum... But come on, this is a bloody train wreck and I'll be damned because it's too funny. If I just nonchalantly look over, then avert my eyes, and use my peripheral vision, no one will be the wiser.

What the...

The car's pulling away, and Hook is now walking with determination in my direction. There's about three feet between me and the bus stop bench and she decides to thread the needle. Being the gentleman I am, I shift to give her more room, when I notice she's headed to a guy who's about 10 feet behind me. They have an animated talk, her arms are flailing, and I start to feel a bit uncomfortable. I turn my music down and realize it's all spanish and way too fast for me to know what the fuck they're saying, but she's stink-eying me like a motherfucker and he seems to be calming her down, telling her to relax... shit, I don't need this.

After what seems like an eternity, he crosses the parking lot in one direction, and she does in another direction. Do I dare breathe... it may be my last chance.

Fear, shock, and impatience. I see the bus barrelling down Colfax on the horizon. Never before has the 15 seemed like the cavalry... and hopefully, never again.